You can't be on social media right now and fully escape the controversy regarding the exposure of some well-known leaders in the body of Christ. I've had my own experience with abuse by a spiritual leader and I believe I have learned some things through those experiences that could help someone else. To give you a backdrop: From the time I was twenty-one years old, I was very close to my pastors and served in that body for almost 30 years. I had become a spiritual daughter and even lived with them as part of their family for a time. Their children even thought of me as a big sister. Having been an only child, I had always wanted to know what it was like to be part of a large family and in some ways, this felt like a dream come true.
Much like a little girl admires her daddy, the first hero in her eyes, I admired, revered, and trusted my spiritual father completely. I was convinced that I would always be his spiritual daughter and longed to be used by God in the same way he was. I was enamored with his charisma and his "giftings". Regretfully, because of the unforgiveness and resentment in my heart during those early years, I held my pastors in higher regard than I did my parents. I didn't recognize that I had become co-dependent on them, rather than dependent on Christ. I didn't have a grid for what healthy relationships are supposed to look like and that made me especially vulnerable to manipulation and control. Almost three decades later my world turned upside down and everything I had believed and hoped had changed in a moment. It was an earth-shattering moment and I didn't know how I would make it through, but the Lord was delivering my family and me from an abusive and highly toxic situation. Had I not placed my spiritual leader on a pedestal and listened and obeyed the nudging's and promptings of the Holy Spirit, my family and I would have been spared much pain and heartache.
It's important to have people in our lives who have gone before us, forging the way, those who carry the wisdom of what they have walked through. We need to have in our lives those who are wiser and more mature, those who can speak into our lives with the heart of the Father and even bring correction when necessary. We must always remain humble and teachable. Dear brothers and sisters, honor those who are your leaders in the Lord's work. They work hard among you and give you spiritual guidance. Show them respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other. - 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13. Here the Apostle Paul instructs us on how we should regard our spiritual leaders. We honor, respect, and love them. Peter instructs the elders of the church in 1 Peter 5:2-4 - Care for the flock that God has entrusted you. Watch over it diligently, not grudgingly - not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. Don't lord it over the people assigned to your care but lead them by your own good example. And when the Great Shepherd appears, you will receive a crown of never-ending glory and honor. Notice that you are entrusted to them by the Lord and they are to lead by example. They are accountable to the Lord for how they care for His people.
We are to honor, respect, and love our spiritual leaders but we cannot try to get from a leader what only Christ himself can do for us and in us. As a young adult, I longed for the love, validation, and approval of a father. That desire wasn't wrong in itself, but it became a stumbling block in my life when I tried to get that need met by my spiritual father rather than let my heavenly father fill that void; especially. I believe he is an unhealed leader because a healthy leader will not allow co-dependence and will not use or abuse their position in your life. Healthy leaders lead, teach, and guide us. They both represent Christ and point us to Christ.
In a season where everything that can be shaken is, it's important now more than ever to stay firmly rooted in Christ. He must be the firm foundation upon which we build our life. Our identity cannot be in a ministry and not even in a gifting, call, or anointing. Our identity comes from being rooted in Christ. One of my favorite passages in the New Testament is John 15. Jesus is the vine. We are the branch. We are to abide in Him and be rooted in Him. Apart from Him, we can do nothing. The deeper our roots grow in Christ, the stronger we'll stand when adversity comes. It's those trees and plants that have the deepest roots that hold the strongest when the winds prevail. When Christ is your foundation and you remain firmly rooted in Him, you may be affected by the storm, but you will not be moved by it!
In Matthew chapter 7 Jesus talks about a tree and its fruit. In verse 15 Jesus warns us to beware of false prophets and he tells us how to recognize them. We can't judge by their personality, their calling, or even their "gifting". He says You can identify them by their fruits. Jesus goes on to say in Matthew 7 that a good tree can't produce bad fruit and a bad tree can't produce good fruit. He even goes on to say that not everyone who calls out to Him "Lord, Lord" will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. He says that many have prophesied and cast out devils in his name and He will reply "I never knew you". This passage shows us that we cannot judge whether a leader is authentic by gifting or anointing alone. God will still show up when a corrupt leader ministers not for that leader's sake, but for the sake of the one receiving ministry. Proverbs 12:12 Thieves are jealous of each other's loot but the godly are well-rooted and bear their own fruit. Psalm 1 is another favorite passage of mine. Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked or stand around with sinners or join in with mockers. But they delight in the law of the LORD, meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season... What (or who) we remain rooted in is important. The tree is only as healthy as the root. When we are well-rooted in Christ, we will bear fruit and can even bear fruit in every season of our lives. How amazing is that?
The cost of putting a person high up on a pedestal where only Christ belonged was great for my family. That's not to say the Lord didn't each situation and circumstance. He will cause all things to work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purposes. But, had I listened first to the still small voice on the inside, been firmly rooted in Christ, and made Him my foundation, (not a man, a man's gifting, or a ministry), I would have saved myself and my family years of heartache, pain, and disappointment. The betrayal of a spiritual father was to be the greatest betrayal of my life, even greater than that of a husband or a father to my children. King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Oh that I had guarded mine!
It was during the season of betrayal, that I cried out and asked the Lord to search my heart. I couldn't do anything about the heart of the one who abused his authority, but I could guard my own heart. I prayed the prayer David prayed in Psalm 139:23-24 Search me {thoroughly} O God, and know my heart; test me and see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in an everlasting way; Amplified version. Psalm 51:10-12 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a right and steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit. Yes, we need healthy and mature leaders but there is a deep work that only the Spirit of God can do. God is so good. He has brought me full circle. This time I have the wisdom of lessons painfully learned to help guide me as I lean fully on the Lord. We can learn an easier way or we can learn the hard way.
Having wisdom and discernment is especially important in the days we are in. In Second Timothy chapter 3, Paul writes about the last days. Keep in mind he is writing to the church. The message translation puts it like this: Don't be naïve. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people. It seems like we are in an atmosphere where the very things the Apostle Paul is describing, are playing out before our eyes. We should never be critical and looking to find fault in any leader but we must understand that we are in a season where there is an intense battle between darkness and light. Anything hidden in darkness will be uncovered by the light. How will we respond when we are hurt, disappointed, and even shocked? While it is natural to grieve for a season, we must not harden our hearts. We must guard our hearts and remain rooted and grounded in Christ in this season of shaking.
Leaders make mistakes, they are not infallible. We all (including leaders) should be ever-growing and maturing. The Word of God says we go from glory to glory. That includes leaders. They don't reach a plateau to where they have arrived and there's no room for growth or character development. If you follow a leader long enough, you may even observe that what they teach may change or morph a little over time. This isn't necessarily because what they taught was wrong, but more likely because they are growing and maturing in their understanding. Because there's only one who is perfect, Jesus Christ; God only uses imperfect vessels. At the same time, the enemy will work overtime to exploit weaknesses and unhealed wounds in a leader to prevent them from being effective for the sake of the Kingdom. All of us need to guard our hearts, including leaders. Like David, our posture should always be "Search my heart O God. See if there be any wicked way in me." That being said, we need to be able to recognize the difference between a leader who is growing and maturing in a particular area but remains humble and teachable; and a leader who is full of pride and walking in blatant sin or deception. As we walk with God we should all be continually growing in character, wisdom, understanding, and in bearing fruit. This happens when we are rooted in Christ. He is the vine, we are the branch. Apart from Him, we can do nothing whether we are a leader or not.
And He will be the security and stability of your times, a treasure of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is your treasure. Isaiah 33:6
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