Disappointed lately?
We all have ups and downs and good days and bad days. But what happens when we seem to be in a holding pattern where the good days seem too far and few in between? What about those seasons where just when you think that it can't get much worse, one more thing happens and you begin to doubt that things will ever change for the better? Does anyone else ever go through this or maybe it's just me? 2016 was a very tough year and the turnaround of 2017 appears to be going very slow according to my natural eyes.
I was pouring my heart out to the Lord about all of this early the other morning. I had stayed home from work because the roads were icy. Schools were closed and everyone else stayed in bed late. I had a full hour alone with my Lord - no interruptions and no distractions! I was talking to the Lord about our financial challenges. We believe that the Lord has called me to walk full-time alongside my husband in ministry. That means at some point, I need to be released from my secular job. With two houses and bills in place, this is a huge stretch. I also have two children, one of which is in private school because the public system has failed her. We are looking to have my younger child attend the same private school in the next school year. Both children have unique circumstances. Financially we don't see any relief in sight and everything from paying the bills to both kids attending private school and being able to move forward in ministry all seem impossible if I look at things with natural eyes. This is just one of our many battles!!
As I look at the situation I have two choices. I can surrender to the feeling of being overwhelmed or I can trust God that the turnaround will come. The enemy was really working overtime trying to get me into a place of fear over our financial situation and in regards to my children the night before. He was cleverly whispering in my ear that I was stuck. No hope. No way to get out from under our bills, no way to move forward, and no hope for my children and their future. It would be safe to say that I was in that moment, in a place of fear.
As I woke up in the morning, I had some repenting to do. I found myself asking, "What is fear?" The best definition of fear that I have heard is this: False Evidence Appearing Real. Another way to think of it is this way, the enemy presents to you, "evidence" in regards to your situation. That evidence is usually negative, dark, and gloomy. That evidence is also false. Oh, the enemy will bring to your memory all the reasons why it is never going to get any better. The evidence of your failures and evidence of seemingly unfulfilled promises, hopes, and dreams; however it is all false!! Remember that the devil is a liar and there is no truth in him. John 8:44 says this. It also says that He was a murderer from the beginning. What is he out to murder? Your destiny in Christ! The call of God on your life, the very reason you were brought into being...He is out to murder that! He is out to murder your hope for a bright future! But what does God say about that?? For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Back to fear. I am either in fear or I am in faith. I cannot be in both at the same time. You can't have one foot in faith and one foot in fear. It's like having one foot in a mud puddle and the other on dry ground. You are still wet even though one foot is dry. A piece of wood that is wet cannot be ignited. The best it can do is smoke. You can't be fully ignited and on fire for the Lord if you have one foot in fear. You can't walk in the Spirit and walk in fear at the same time. Fear is darkness. No wonder some are afraid of the dark. Light has no fellowship with darkness. It is impossible for faith to fellowship with fear. The book of Hebrews states that without faith it is impossible to please God. Fear, on the other hand, pleases the enemy of your soul.
The one who fears does not trust. Often it's after many disappointments that trust is lost. We can even feel disappointed with God and so much so, that we no longer have any hope or expectation for the future. Hope deferred makes the heart sick - Proverbs 13:12. Let's focus on the word "disappointment". Think of it this way, dis - appointment. The definition of disappointment is the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations. Have you experienced unfilled hopes and dreams? Have you ever been disappointed?
The prefix "dis" means not. In the Latin it means "un". The word "disappointment" comes from the 14th century French word "desappointe". It means to undo an appointment. You were called for such a time as this. Remember Ester's story? You were appointed for this time. You have an "appointment" and disappointment is the devil's tool to try to keep you from your appointment. If Proverbs 23:7 (As a man thinks in his heart so does he become) and Proverbs 18:21 (the power of life and death is in the tongue) are true, then the words you speak while feeling disappointed are important. Are you speaking death or life into your situation? The devil is more than happy to use your tongue to cause you to miss your "appointment" whether it's a specific time or a season. If all I speak is what is wrong, the bills that need to be paid, the behaviors of my children, etc...that is all self-fulfilling prophecy. You will follow your tongue.
In James chapter 3 the tongue is compared to a small rudder that steers a large ship through high winds and goes wherever the pilot wants it to go. So our tongues, as small as they may be, often steer us through life's storms. Verse 9 says With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. You have been made in God's likeness, in His image. When we look back to Genesis what do we first learn about God? He is the creator. With His mouth, He spoke the world into being. So it is with us. We can speak our worlds into being. I am reminded of that phrase, "You get what you say". It's not that God is not able or willing. He surely is, but you "dis-appoint" or "un-appoint" yourself when the words of your mouth don't fall in line with His, because you are disappointed that He has not yet come through for you, or that that desire has not yet come.
Back to Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Are you sick and tired? Then let hope rise in you again! Don't abort that seed or that vision by the words of your mouth or the hardness of your heart towards God because He has not come through yet as you expected. Often, my experience is that God does things in ways we can't imagine. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9.
Maybe some of you feel "dis-appointed" by your spouse. Be careful what you speak and guard your heart from all forgiveness and bitterness lest you "dis-appoint" the both of you, missing your time and season because you didn't trust fully in God. His grace is sufficient to cover you where your spouse misses it and to cover your spouse where you miss it, as long as your hearts are right. Declare what He says, not what your natural eyes see. Prophecy into the potential! Neither of you can go forward if you are grumbling, complaining, speaking to the negative, etc... Habakkuk 2:4 says that the righteous shall live by faith. We live by faith not by sight. - 2 Corinthians 5:7. Sometimes I think we place too many expectations on our spouse rather than go to the one and true source. I love my husband and thank the Lord for him, but God is the strength of my heart and God is my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26.
So dare to dream again. Dare to trust God, Casting all your care upon Him for He cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7 If you want peace you must have an attitude of gratitude. Look upon what God has already done and remember, there is always something more going on that you can't see. You see but a little snip-it, but God is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. He sees the entire picture!
Lastly, ...those who hope in me will not be disappointed - Isaiah 49:3
Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. - Romans 5:5
UPDATE: We can be disappointed in an outcome but what if that outcome was actually God's protection? I look back over my disappointment of not being able to financially leave my job, the disappointment of being married and having two mortgages when we could have sold one home and have been in a better place financially. How much energy I wasted with many long and exhausting tantrums before the Lord (being a little dramatic to get the point across). I had finally settled in my heart that I would just trust Him. I literally said these words, "Lord, I ask you to be my husband. I ask you to meet every need that is going unmet. I ask you to provide where provision isn't being met". That was a difficult prayer. But I prayed it earnestly. And He heard my cry. He delivered my family & me from a harmful and toxic situation. I am so grateful thankful that He did not answer some of those prayers and that I have my job and my home. Through an intercessor friend in Texas, the Lord confirmed His answer to my prayer with this scripture, Hosea 2: 14-16 and 19-20. You can look up the passage but vs 16 says this: And it shall be in that day, says the Lord, you will call Me Ishi [my husband]... And He's brought me back full circle. Am I going to be disappointed in my situation or circumstances? Or, am I going to trust Him, that His ways are higher than my ways and that He is working all things out for my good and for His glory?
- Jeremiah 29:13-14 The Message translation.