A Fragmented Soul Part 2
In my last blog post I talked about how through soul-ties, we become fragmented in our souls. That is never God's will for us or His best for us. Jesus came that we would have life and have it to the full! - John 10:10. The Amplified version says "to the full until it overflows!" I like that. We should be so full of life, so full of love, and so full of peace, that those things overflow from our lives to the lives of those we come into contact with! We should be so full of the oil of joy that we squeak when we walk! After all, the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10 The world knows how to have fun but so often we're too busy being "religious" or paying penance for our past sins to allow ourselves the freedom to enter into true joy. That was me for a season after I rededicated my life to the Lord on May 21, 1991. Yes, I remember the time and date! I even remember some of the songs that were sung during worship that Friday night. I remember some of the faces that were present. I remember what I wore and how I wore my hair. I remember being slain in the Spirit for the very first time. I remember getting only 4 hours of sleep that night before going to work the next day and being so excited that I wasn't even tired a little. The Lord touched me mightily that night! My life was marvelously transformed! I had come out of a season of rebellion where I tried desperately to find something to ease the pain of life only to find out that sex, drugs, and rock n' roll were not the answer.
Though fun in the beginning,
these things only added to the hurt and the pain. As I renewed my early childhood commitment to the Lord, I did a lot of repenting. I repented of every unholy relationship during those rebellious years. I repented of my rebellion. I destroyed all of my heavy metal music CD's. I got rid of everything that did not glorify the Lord. I immersed myself with praise and worship, reading the Word and reading all the Christian books that my Pastor would lend me or recommend, that I could get my hands on. I went to church every time the doors were open! I became a changed person but I still had stuff in my life to work out. After repenting of all the obvious sins in my life, I had no idea that I was being affected by other soul-ties of the past, these things eventually leading me back to a place where the enemy had an open door to wreak havoc in my life, as well as in the lives of my children. Yes, the enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy not just my life but the lives of my children. The devil doesn't play fair. If he can't get to you directly, he'll try to get to you through those most precious to you.
In Fragmented Part 1, I talked about how we become bound to others through soul ties that are formed through unholy sexual relationships. Now I want to talk about the other ways we can become bound to another in a soul-tie. First, let's lay a foundation of where we are supposed to be attached. I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:1-5
We are attached to Christ. He is the vine, we are the branch. The father is the gardener. The King James version uses the word "Husbandman". He prunes what doesn't belong on the vine. Our job is to cooperate with Him and keep our eyes on Christ, the vine. Pruning is the Father's job. If you think that a brother or sister needs to be pruned, please understand that that is not your job to do. The Father is the pruner. In Exodus, it says that God is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and, abounding in love and faithfulness. He knows the end from the beginning and only He sees the entire picture. We only see a snippet of a snapshot and so we need to be careful what we judge as fruitless in someone else. So, what does the Father prune? He prunes suckers!
For those who aren’t gardeners here is the definition of a sucker: Vegetative, adventitious, growth coming from the root system of a tree. What do suckers do? Suckers steal nutrients from the grafted part of a tree. Ideally, any growth from below the graft union or growth coming from the roots/below the ground on a fruit or nut tree should be removed as soon as it appears. Allowing suckers to remain on your fruit tree will only take away from the vegetative and fruiting wood you want to grow strong and healthy. Another word for Suckers: Soul-ties!
A sucker branch is someone who latches on to you and saps your spiritual strength. They thrive on controlling you because they live their lives out of fear, afraid of not being in control. They latch on to you and create a soul-tie because you are connected to the vine. They like what comes out of the vine but they don’t’ want to pay the price to go to the vine for themselves. Do not let them attach to you! Lead them to the vine! If you have a sucker attached to you, it needs to be weeded and pruned or your spiritual growth will be stunted. A soul tie is an emotional bond or connection that unites you with someone else. (a sucker branch) You become bound to a person through your soul when you’re supposed to be attached to the vine, (Christ,) not to a soul tie, not to a sucker branch.
A person who is attached to you through an emotional soul tie (the sucker branch) is not yielded to God. They live in the realm of the soulish mind, in the realm of the flesh. Instead of an old man put to death, (Romans 6:6) they are propelled by a will that is under the influence of a demonic stronghold, a stronghold of controlling spirits. They are not submitted to the plans and purposes of God, rather they are submitted to a controlling spirit.
Control always has both a controller and a victim. You need two people for it to manifest. How do you recognize a controlling spirit? You will be with them and sense that something isn’t right. You might wonder what’s wrong with you if you are a humble person. They may cry and you don’t feel led of the Lord to cry with them. Usually, that is because they are using their emotions to manipulate you. Even though something just doesn’t feel right, you might have a hard time saying no to this person. You may feel the need to always have to explain yourself to them. You may feel funny in your spirit or defiled. You may feel the need to do whatever they want you to do. Have you found yourself tormented by thoughts about a person, excessively wondering about them, checking on them, and rehearsing times with them? If so, you have an unhealthy soul tie. Have you grieved for a long time over a severed relationship with someone you were once close to? If so, you have soul ties.
It is never the Lord's will for you to be in bondage to another person. Jesus came to set the captives free! Therefore, my people have gone into captivity because they have no knowledge. Isaiah 5:13. My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6a. Notice here that these scriptures are written about God's people. We are captives when we have willingly or unknowingly sold ourselves into bondage through rebellion, pride, lust, etc...
Bondage develops in situations that are as overt as slavery or through subtle agreements between two people. Amos 3:3 says Can two walk together, except they agree? One way you can test to see if a relationship is real: can you keep the relationship even when you do not agree? If the answer is no and you find yourself agreeing with the other person so that you can keep the relationship then you are in an unhealthy or toxic relationship.
Here are some ways you can know if a sucker is attached to you or that a relationship could be an unhealthy soul tie: Someone else makes decisions or plans for your life, they are being overly protective of you, they are threatened by a new friendship you make, or they are exercising financial control over you, and this can be parents, bosses, or anyone you feel indebted to. Indebtedness is another clue....being indebted to someone. The word clearly states in Romans 13:8 Owe no one anything except to love one another. There's no greater debt than sin and that debt has been wiped out at the cross. So if you feel indebted to another person, you have an unhealthy soul tie that you need to break.
Here's another scenario that happens often in the church: a sucker branch will decide God’s will for God, concerning you or another person, and then pray it into being. They decide what they want and they try to make it God. You see this commonly with intercessors and those who have prophetic and seer gifting who are immature in their gifts or have not fully yielded them to God. They have not died to themselves. They are controlled by their flesh and usually influenced by something else, other than the Holy Spirit.
Another word for someone calling their own desire for you into being under the disguise of being "spiritual" is spiritual witchcraft. You can become bound to that person through a soul tie. We need to be careful when we pray for others that we are being led by the Holy Spirit and praying from the heart of the Father, not praying from our own hearts, desires, or according to our own flesh. Likewise, be careful who you let lay hands on you. The Bible says to lay hands on no man suddenly. 1 Timothy 5:22. God's word also says to know them that labor among you. 1 Thessalonians 5:12. Notice how the responsibility for receiving spiritual things is ours? It's not your brother or sisters, it's not your pastor's responsibility. The responsibility for getting watered, and fed, and for growing spiritually is yours and yours alone. You must stay connected to the vine! Don't allow a sucker to leach onto you and stunt your spiritual growth and don't be a leach and sap someone else's spiritual strength! If you are the one operating with a controlling spirit, it's never too late to repent and find a mature believer to pray with you. If you have allowed others to leach on to you, it is never too late to repent and break that soul tie.
I have to wonder when I was new to the things of the Spirit, how often did I drain someone else? When I rededicated my life to the Lord I made a lot of new relationships within the body. Most of those people are no longer part of the body of believers at our church today. During those early years, I easily became disillusioned and hurt when other members would leave. In my own immaturity, I wanted to hang on to some of them. The Lord brought them into my life for a season though they were never meant to replace Him in my life. All they could do is lead me to Christ, the vine. I had to get nourishment from the vine for myself. No one else could do it for me. As the years went by I matured and found
that those "spiritually mature" believers that I had put up on a pedestal were not as mature as I had thought they were. For a time I had been disgruntled about that and I have had to repent to the Lord because they were never meant to be my source in the first place. Christ is my source. Many of these believers had issues in their own lives that the Lord was dealing with. None of us has arrived. We are all a work in progress. That is why it is important to be taught and disciplined by spiritually mature believers, but realize they are a help and are never meant to be our source. And if they fall, who are we to judge them? It's the Father's job to prune, not ours. In my prayer closet recently, the Lord led me to recall those fellow believers. I named each one by name that I had felt hurt and disappointed by. I forgave each one and released them from any hurt that I had received whether real or simply perceived on my end.
I had to forgive one person from a more recent relationship. I had really come to love and appreciate this friend. The relationship ended suddenly, without warning, and without explanation. I was crushed! For a season I felt hurt and wounded and even wondered what I could have done wrong. (The enemy always tries to use that one) But guess what? I don't need to figure it out. She could not be my source. He is my source! At the time I was greatly encouraged by this sister in the Lord. She spoke into my life, I had so much fun around her. I could just sit and listen to her stories for hours! I loved being around her and our family had even spent time in her home. But, I had to ask myself. Were my motives selfish? Was the relationship so great and wonderful because of what I could get from her? Did my own perceived "need" cause me to not discern properly? Was I imparting anything back or was it all one-sided? Do I regret the relationship? No, I am so thankful for the short season I had this person in my life. I can look back fondly and remember those fun times. I have forgiven and given her to the Lord. How can I do that? The Lord showed me that the relationship is not lost. You don't need to waste precious time grieving over a lost relationship with a brother or sister in Christ. You will get that relationship back in a new, bigger, and better way than ever imagined! Someday we will all be beholding His glory face to face together! There will be no remembrance of hurts, misunderstandings, or disappointments. There will be nothing but ecstatic joy at the biggest family reunion ever to be! (Two years later into 2020, I am reading this and my heart is so healed that I actually had to stop and think about who this dear friend was. After a few minutes, the Lord brought it back to me and I can praise Him for removing the hurt and healing my heart!)
Do I think that I had an unhealthy soul tie with this person? No, not every single relationship gone wrong is a result of a soul tie, although any relationship; husband & wife, parent& child, teacher & student & friend to friend, etc... can develop into a soul tie if one of you is not connected to the vine or if one of you is controlled by and operating with a manipulating or controlling spirit. If a relationship is abusive or even just secretive and dishonest in some measure, there will be an unhealthy soul tie because you are bound to keep that secret or hide that dishonesty.
One of the reasons my first marriage could not work was because my first husband refused to leave and cleave. He refused to see us as a separate family. Now I have a greater understanding of the family secrets that keep him bound to his family in unhealthy ways that resulted in him being unable to have healthy relationships outside of that family. I have had to take a step away from some of my own family members because we can not show up and visit without being manipulated, even using the children to try to control us. We have to remain loving and gracious but can only relate to these family members to the level that we are not being controlled and manipulated. This is not easy, especially with close family members but we cannot take on a spirit of obligation.
A spirit of obligation is suggestive of an unhealthy soul tie. Whenever a person insists that the relationship is on their terms alone rather than a healthy two-way flow of love, you have a sucker that you need to weed out of your life. Matthew 10:36 says that a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. Look what Jesus says in Matthew 12:48 - 50, But Jesus replied to the one who told Him, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” And stretching out His hand toward His disciples [and all His other followers], He said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! For [g]whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven [by believing in Me, and following Me] is My brother and sister and mother.” - Amplified. Just as you stay attached to the vine (Christ), you only follow after those who follow Christ. Your family on earth is temporary and your family in Christ is eternal. The only family you have with you forever are those who are born again into God's family. Some of us have some family relationships that are purely soulish and carnal in nature. They are sucker branches that are leaching onto us and stunting our grown in Christ. We are to follow after the Spirit, whether or not they do. We can point them to the vine but the rest is their responsibility. We cannot carry them. Christ already carried them when He carried His cross to Golgotha. See the end of "A Fragmented Soul Part 1" for the steps on how to break an unhealthy soul tie.
As I end, let me give you examples of healthy soul ties. The Lord wants godly bonds between His people. There should always be a two-way flow of love between the linked relationships. Love needs to flow in both directions for a Godly, healthy soul tie. The Word of God gives us plenty of examples. The first example is in Genesis where God made Adam and then Eve. They were to leave and cleave and become one flesh. (see Fragmented Soul Part 1 for more on the one-flesh soul tie) There is Jonathan and David, Ruth and Naomi, Elijah and Elisha, Jesus and the disciples, Paul and Timothy, and many more. These are all examples of healthy bonds.
Let me leave you with John chapter 15 in the Message translation.
15 1-3 “I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken.
4 “Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me. 5-8 “I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation is intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes when you mature as my disciples. 9-10 “I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love. 11-15 “I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father.
16 “You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won’t spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you. 17 “But remember the root command: Love one another.
Don't let others spoil your fruit!!!
