Are you blessed or stressed?

When you look back over your childhood and remember your mother, what do you remember most about her? Was she kind? Was she loving and caring? One thing I remember most about my mother is that she was unhappy. She didn't smile a lot. I definitely don't remember her smiling at me. Sadly when I was young I believed the devil's lie that I was the cause of her unhappiness. Of course I know better now that I am an adult and a mother myself. Like every family we had our ups and downs and perhaps she did smile more than I remember, but one thing I am quite sure of is that over my childhood years, my mother was more stressed than blessed. She certainly had struggles, difficulties and challenges as we all do. One thing I am learning is that it's not the difficulties we face that define us. It is how we handle ourselves in the midst of them that define who we are.

As a mother myself, I have faced some real difficult situations, the kind that if it wasn't for the Lord's hand upon my life, I would have been destroyed. I am also learning that all the regret in the world is not going to change one thing. The one thing I can change is how I respond and honestly, I don't always respond the way I should or could. My own mother did the best she could with what what she knew . She didn't have a grid to go by and neither did I but I do have a greater truth. So, what am I doing with it? I know that just as I watched my mother, my children both watch me. I wonder what they see. Do they see love? Do they see kindness? Do they see gentleness? Do they see grace? Do they see a mom who is a wife of noble character? Do they see me doing my husband good and no harm? Do they seem me being generous with others? Do they see me clothed with strength and dignity or do they see me weak with dignity having gone out the window?

What do they hear coming out of my mouth? Am I building up or tearing down? Do they seem me being diligent or lazy? Do they see me fearing the Lord or being fearful of everything else? What kind of example am I giving them?What kind of grid am I providing? What kind of foundation am I building for their lives?

I've been noticing something lately, especially with my son. He is such a barometer of the environment he is in. If I laugh, he laughs. If I frown, he frowns. If I am unresponsive, he is unresponsive. If I am depressed, he is depressed. If I am inpatient, so is he. If I am stressed, he is too. One thing I especially notice with my daughter is that if I roll my eyes, so does she! If I am tired all the time, so are they. If I am unhappy with their behaviors then just maybe I need to look in the mirror. What kind of witness am I being for them? Do I smile at them? Do I encourage them? Do they feel the love or do they feel my disappointment of life? Do they call me blessed or do they call me stressed? What about you? The same principle applies to fathers. It also applies to those who are not parents or perhaps your children are all grown. Everyone has someone who is watching. As my husband frequently says, "nobody lives in a vacuum". Whether you love life of hide from it, you are being a witness in one way or the other. In your daily behavior, in your daily attitude, in your daily speech, what are you witnessing to?

I don't know about you but I am tired of the same old battles and I am tired of the same old patterns of behavior that I seem to keep falling into. It's time for a change. Only by the grace of God. One thing I want for this new year we are coming into, is to be a better example. I want to give my children and others around me who may be without hope and in despair, something they can grab on to. I may not be able to change every situations but I can change me. I can change how I respond to others and to life around me. I can keep adding to the problem or I can be an answer because the one who is the Answer lives within me.

It very well may take lots of practice and grace for myself when I do fail. No more self-harm here! Yes, I am slowly learning that often my situation does not change until I change. One thing I know is this: I don't want my children to grow up remembering their mom was unhappy and stressed. How I handle the tasks in front of me is likely how they will handle situations when they are adults.

I used to roll my eyes at the Proverbs 31 woman. She just seems so perfect. The bar has been set much to high than what I can reach. But there is one verse in that chapter that I believe is the key: a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. - verse 30. We should stop fearing man, fearing the world and fearing that situation, that mountain, that whatever you want to call it. We miss the mark when we fear those things. As a child of the most-high God, there is only one thing that you and I should fear and that is the Lord himself. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom - Proverbs 15:33. We have fallen short when we become so familiar with the Lord that we somehow end up reducing Him to a level we can understand. His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. He is so much bigger. Bigger than our fears, bigger than our pasts, bigger than our circumstances, and bigger than our futures! He is our future! Let's stop sulking and start laughing at the days to come! - verse 25. Laughter does like a good medicine. - Proverbs 17:22 and God laughs at his enemies. Psalm 2:4, 37:13. and 59:8.

As Rudyard Kipling said this in his poem “If”: “If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same…You are a better man than most.” So let's stop worrying. Let's stop frowning and complaining and let's laugh more! Let us learn to give ourselves grace and each other grace. They say as people get older they get better or bitter. I don't want my children to remember me as bitter or unhappy. Starting in this 2018, I want to be better! We can be stressed or we can be blessed but we can't be both - Selah!